Hey everyone! ^_^

I know this has became more or less of a topic in the ML recently and I
don't think that's good. First, because I don't like to be 'discussed' or
to read my feelings toward something as important as Miki-sama 'discussed'
in a ML and, second, because that's not the main topic of this place. ^_^U
So... I've decided to write this once and forever so the people that
hadn't been able to understand my feelings and had been surprised of my
strong and 'obsessed' feelings towards Shin-ichirou Miki-sama, can get the
main idea of this thing and stop wondering or discussing whether my
obsession is stronger than any others you know or if it is similar or not
to the obsession of Luis Miguel, Ricky Martin, Enrique Iglesias or any
other artist of the kind (which, personally, I can't stand, by the
way...). ^_~

I want to make clear that I don't want to bother/offend anybody and
please, keep this in mind: english is not my native language and even
though I've been studying it for years and I've got very good opinions off
of my teachers, I'll never be able to express myself as clearly as I can
in spanish. There are many things I still don't know and, therefore, I
might make mistakes that can cause misundertandings. So, please, reas the
following keepiing this in mind and also keeping in my that this is only
an explanation and not an argument, a fight starter or anything. Is just
to make things clear and get this topic out of the ML as soon as possible
for the ML's sake and for my own as well. ^_^  Ok? ^_~

Well... I don't know... I don't really think I can show you my feelings
regarding Miki-sama or this whole matter clearly since I'm not that good
with english... But let me say that my love for Miki-sama is not 'just an
obsession' because I'm just an immature child who can't see the difference
between a real person who you can love and an idol, who is supposed to be
worshipd by his/her fans. I don't have a crush only on Miki-sama's
appeareance or anything that supperficial. If he would be fatter and
uglier, if his voice would be uglier or if he would change his hair color
again, I would love his as much as I love him now. I would continue loving
him no matter what because he SAVED MY LIFE. Let me say that again that:
*HE SAVED MY LIFE*. He probably doesn't even know it, but if it wasn't
because of him, I would have killed myself, for real, 6 years ago. But he
saved me and gave me the strenght to go on and to continue my life more or
less sanely until today. And even now, when "I feel like letting go" (like
a song says), I watch his pictures, listen to his voice or remember him
and I feel able to overcome any obstacles I can find in my way. So this is
not just a 'fan' obsession that will fade away in a couple of years, when
the next man available will be the most popular. No. It's not because I
like to be 'trendy' or anything. NO. This is much more serious and, even
if very few people can understand it, I would love to get people to
understand how serious this is and that is not a game or a light obsession
for me. I hate being treated like a poor fan girl, with neither brain nor
life, who can only drool over artists and worry about their lifes because
she has nothing else to do with her poor life. That's NOT my case. I
really feel in love with Miki-sama and I really feel like he's one of the
most important persons in the world (along with my mom and sister) but I'm
well aware that I don't have any chances of becoming his girlfriend or
anything like that. He doesn't even know me! And even if he would know me,
I don't think I could caught his heart and love as he caught mine. I'm not
pretty, I'm not that young, I'm not what many men consider a 'feminine'
and 'cute' lady or anything... But if I could only meet him once and tell
him how much he means for me, how much I owe him and how much I would
appreciate if we could *just be friends*, that would be my paradise. I
wouldn't care about what could happen later on. That's my only goal in
life and it is so because HE is the one who keeps me alive. He is the
reason why I wake up every morning and have enough strenght to get up and
study, talk with people and do anything else. I'm studying what I'm
studying because I want to be able to write or talk to him without forcing
him to understand me in English or through another person!! ^_^U

So... Believe me. This is *quite serious* for me. I don't tell this to
every person I meet and starts treating me like a mere 'obsessed fan'
because it's not nice to start saying to everybody: "Hey, I tried to kill
myself some years ago and I'm here just because I met a man who's words
and voice and image gave me a reason to go on. But that's the only reason
why I'm alive, actually" because that means a WHOLE bunch of questions and
recommendations and phrases like: "But you can't be so negative! Life is
beautiful!" and stuff like that... But considering the way this topics is
becoming more and more 'light' among some list members who are just
getting to know me, I thought it would be better to make things clear so
we can stop the pointless conversations about how obsessed or not I am and
how similar my obsession is to other people simple obsession with people
like Ricky Martin (x_x) or Enrique Iglesias (x_x!). ^_^

I know this will sound silly, immature and will be hard for you to
believe. You'll probably think that I'm over reacting and that I'm not
taking the things as I should or stuff like that. I don't really care.  As
Sean Paul says in one of his songs, "I don't really care what people say,
I don't really watch what they wanna do". I've said what it is the true
and... Well. Now is up to you to believe it or not. As Bolt Crank says:
"Whether or not you believe it, that's your choise". ^_~

I'm sorry if this sounded too strong, heavy or not-nice to you all. I'm
sorry if this bothers any of you, It wasn't my intention, really. I'm
doing this with the best intentions and... Well. I hope you can understand
that. ^^


Mata ne!
Andrea Clunes [Shin-ichirou Miki's lover forever].

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