Okay, I apologize in advance for this post, but I just couldn't resist. 
(It's from "Dave Barry Slept Here - A Sort Of History of the United
States.")

Colin:
"My opinion and 2 cents won't buy you a damn thing, so...."

Oh, but it would have at one point.  Just ask someone who lived through
the Great Depression.  "Or, don't even bother asking.  Just stand next
to them for more than two minutes, and they'll tell you about it. 'It
was hard, during the Great Depression,' they'll say. 'We had nothing to
eat except floor sweepings and we walked eighteen miles to school.  Even
if the school was only two miles away, we'd have to walk back and forth
nine times, because times were bad, and you had no choice, so you worked
hard for every nickel, which in those days would buy you two tickets to
a movie plus four boxes of popcorn plus a used Buick sedan, but of
course we couldn't afford it because Dad only made two dollars and
fifty-seven cents per year and our shoes were made out of grapefruit
rinds, but we never complained, no, we were happy, because we had
*values* in those days, and if you had values you didn't need a lot of
money or food or toilet paper, which was a luxury in those days to the
point where we'd get through a whole year - this was a family of eleven
- on just *six squares* of toilet paper, because we had this system
where if you had to...HEY! Come back here!'"

Again, I'm sorry for this, but... It was just THERE! (At least I didn't
continue, and go into the Hawley-Smoot Tariff)

VYXQUI
"A fine person, despite how she spells her name" - Dave Barry

 "If you want to know if a glass is half-empty or half-full, spill it on
a woman wearing a white dress."

		-Shane Darren Ehrmann